


capacity

by boxtactics



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hanahaki Disease, Kingdom Hearts II Spoilers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:21:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24195040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boxtactics/pseuds/boxtactics
Summary: Whoever said time remedies all wounds was as wrong as they were stupid.
Relationships: Riku/Sora (Kingdom Hearts)
Kudos: 28





	capacity

At the age of sixteen, flowers began to bloom in Riku's lungs.

Sora had been asleep for half a year already. His birthday was next month, as if he could forget; it would be the first time that the three of them had been separated for this long. Riku chuckled to himself. Kairi would say he was being too clingy, entirely too dependent. He turned his face towards the window, the warmth of the sunset focusing his thoughts. DiZ had let him stay in the old mansion, as long as he continued to aid in Sora's awakening. The dust that swirled through the air was illuminated by the light filtering through the large pane of glass on the mansion's first floor. Debris littered the floor as always, and he was no stranger to tripping over it as he walked through the building's halls.

Although he had been told that he could sleep where he pleased, Riku preferred to hide himself from view, often nestling into the darkness between the wall and the rightmost staircase. If losing himself was what it took, then that was simply what he would have to sacrifice. For Kairi's sake. For Sora's sake. He found comfort in imagining a world where the two of them could wake up every day, spend time together, safe as he could ever hope they would be, completely without him. As much as he told himself that would make him happy, the sharp pains that occasionally radiated from his chest would not subside. The last of the sun's gentle glow was fading from the foyer. Leaning his weight against the windowpane, Riku closed his eyes and held his knees close to his chin.

_ I miss you. _

As days and nights began to meld together, the pain worsened, and breathing became increasingly difficult. It made itself the most prominent from sunrise to noon, as if taunting him for willingly giving into a force meant to be feared and rebuked. To make matters worse, intense bouts of nausea would surge through Riku regularly, disrupting the little sleep he got during the day. Three more weeks, and Sora would be asleep for a full year. According to DiZ, Sora would remain asleep longer than anticipated. He said that he would inform him of an alternative course of action once he was certain that it would be effective, but Riku had begun to reach grim conclusions. He ascended the staircase, choosing to seek out the man sooner rather than later, prepared to commit to whatever DiZ asked of him. Despite assuring himself that he was ready, the thoughts that flooded both his conscious and unconscious mind reminded him of the juvenile nightmares he had as a child.

_ What if he doesn't wake up? _

_ What if he doesn't remember me? _

_ What if he doesn't want to see me? _

_ What if he hates m-- _

An overwhelming wave of nausea spread from the pit of his stomach and crept its way up his throat. Combined with the pain that continuously wracked his body, Riku was unable to do anything but brace himself against the banister. He shivered violently, pitching his upper body over the railing and retching. His throat convulsed as he opened his mouth, forcing out a mass of white camellia petals that fell slowly to the floor, blanketing the corner in which he slept. Riku quickly clasped his left hand over his lips, thankful that his stomach was empty. He had never been grateful for his poor eating habits until this point. Unfortunately, the commotion had attracted the attention of DiZ, who rushed out of the library only to find the young man still trying to drag himself up the stairs.

_ I want you. _

Riku had been tasked with finding "another Sora." If DiZ was aware of how much just hearing his name hurt, he would swear that the man despised him. Finding the replacement's location was not the issue, as he had scoured the streets of Fragment Crossing countless times, frequently having to halt his progress to duck into alleyways and expel the petals that had accumulated in his bronchi. Currently, he found himself in one such position, clutching a stone wall with gloved fingers. Not only had the amount of petals increased, but portions of whole blossoms were beginning to force themselves out of his windpipe, blood following in their wake. As he wiped his mouth with his sleeve and staggered to his feet, he recalled what he had been told.

Weeks ago, after he collapsed in the mansion, DiZ pulled him aside and informed him about his condition. Apparently, he had encountered a young woman in Traverse Town with the very same symptoms and offered to take her to someone who could remove the buds taking root in her respiratory system. She had declined for reasons he could not understand, telling him that she would rather die than forget how she felt in that moment. While DiZ was warning him, urging Riku to allow him to attempt to reverse the effects of the disease, it was extremely apparent that his words were falling upon deaf ears. Silence hung thickly in the air between them, before he wordlessly returned to his mission of capturing Roxas. Refocusing himself, he shifted his weight from his left leg and fell into the exterior of a building in the alley, the pain from the impact creeping up his right shoulder. Riku grit his teeth and turned to face the street again, intending to open a corridor of darkness in order to ease his passage to the zenith of Memory's Skyscraper. If Roxas did not wish to be found, he would not be; that much was certain. However, failure was not an option by any means, so waiting him out would have to suffice.

Soon enough, his patience was rewarded. Roxas was fighting a veritable horde of Heartless at the foot of the skyscraper, clearly struggling to keep them at bay. He took notice of Riku, tacitly declared a temporary truce, and took up arms against their common enemy before turning their blades on each other once again. They clashed for what felt like hours to him. The inability to rely on his sight, even though he had become accustomed to it, was an extreme detriment when facing a highly-skilled enemy. Of course, once Riku believed he had finally gotten the upper hand, the Nobody proved him wrong in an instant. The pains in his chest had been flaring up during the entire battle, making his guard slip easily. This special Nobody--  _ Sora's _ Nobody-- was so much like him. The inflections in his voice, the determination behind his strikes, and even his eyes were identical. Riku had no other options.

"Come on, Sora. I thought you were stronger than that."

"Get real. Look which one of us is winning."

Roxas had hesitated for a split second, but the words he spoke seemed to come as naturally as breathing to him. It was obvious that Riku could not best him, be it because of how closely he resembled Sora, the clear difference in their abilities, or some combination of both. As he removed his blindfold, he could feel more petals flooding his throat, threatening to spill past his epiglottis.

_ He won't recognize me. _

_ I need you. _

Kairi had been found, released from captivity by her own Nobody. Reuniting with her had not been as emotionally taxing as Riku thought it would be. Surprisingly, even with his altered looks, she knew it was him immediately. Her reaction eased his stress, but as they drew nearer to Sora, he doubled over in pain. Rubbing his back with her small hands, Kairi tried to soothe him to the best of her abilities as he threw up an appalling amount of blood-splattered petals. When he eased his hands off of his knees to offer her an apology, Riku's words were met with an understanding smile, tinged with sorrow. She linked her arm with his, keeping her pace steady as they continued down the castle halls.

His voice failed him. Riku was well aware that his current voice reflected Ansem rather than his true self, and could not bring himself to speak to Sora upon seeing him. He had grown so accustomed to waiting, to being barely out of each other's reach. Being addressed as Ansem stung, but he was talking to him. The trepidation and awkwardness in the way he spoke to him was evident, but Kairi, ever level-headed, joined their hands. Seeing Sora's expression was enough to lay him low, but Riku stood stock-still, the warmth of the brunette's hands grounding him. Sora had fallen to his knees, sobbing, and he could do nothing but watch.

"Riku... It's Riku! Riku's here..."

Tears continued to fall from Sora's eyes, leaving wet tracks on his cheeks and mingling on the marble floor.

"I looked for you... I looked everywhere for you..."

He was here, crying for him. Sora was crying because of him.

_ I love you. _

The moonlight washed over them along with the sound of the crashing waves. Xehanort had been defeated, and their friends were safe. Riku sat alongside Sora, dragging his fingers through the onyx sand of the beach. He was content with silence, with darkness, as long as it was with him. Had he been younger, he knew that he would have brushed off his feelings, deeming them "stupid" and moving on without a second thought. For better or for worse, Riku knew that he had the conviction to tell Sora what he was going through, how he felt; after what they'd been through together and apart, the thought of dying from a lack of courage would be so ridiculous that laughing himself to death seemed more plausible. Steeling himself, he looked up at the moon.

"Sora, I--"

Riku was interrupted by the sound of poorly stifled gagging, the noises disrupting the calmness of the scenery. Realizing that Sora was in pain, he dragged himself closer, still injured from the previous battle. His age mate seemed to be choking on something, shoulders shuddering with exhaustion. He placed his hands on Sora's, which were tightly clasped over his mouth, and tried to wrest them away from his face. At this, the both of them started panicking, Sora moreso.

"I'm fine, Riku. Let go, okay?" His words came out muffled between coughs, inching away as much as he could.

"If you think that I'm just going to let you sit there hurting, you're wrong."

They struggled weakly against each other's efforts before Sora resigned to letting Riku pull his hands away. The latter peered down at their hands, and in the center of his palm rested a single yellow camellia bud.

"Riku, you're..."

Hot tears ran down Riku's face as he laughed, disregarding how strange he knew he looked. Resting his forehead against Sora's shoulder, he wiped his eyes with the heel of his palm.

"I never got to tell you happy birthday."

_ You're here with me. _

**Author's Note:**

> it's been a hot minute since i've written anything, plus it's set during an old game's canon... but hey! thanks for reading! in case you were curious about symbolism, white camellias signify waiting, and yellow camellias signify longing.


End file.
